The holidays are upon us. The grocery stores are buzzing with turkey orders, neighborhood pumpkin patches are being converted over to Christmas tree lots (I prefer the evergreen smell over the hay), everyone is talking about where they’re celebrating and who they are going to be with for Thanksgiving this year.

It’s not enough to just have Thanksgiving.  According to the stories on the radio, TV, newspapers, magazines and online, you must have THE BEST THANKSGIVING EVER! You can spend hours just focusing on your turkey. (I always stuff my turkey with apples and oranges because it helps keep the cavity moist. Do not use this idea on your vagina…it will not work!

So what else is the menopausal woman focused on this Thanksgiving?

– She is focused on how she is going to remember to even buy the turkey?

– She is focused on her stomach and her hips — wondering how she is going to fit into last year’s holiday clothes.

– She is focused on how to keep her uncontrollable emotions in control when normal family holiday stress kicks in.

– She is focused on sleep – she needs it!

– She is focused on trying not to be a bitchface with her loved ones.

In the spirit of giving and being thankful, I am going to give you my special perimenopause and menopause Thanksgiving recipe, which helps me look forward to and enjoy the holidays!

Ingredients:

(Do not preheat the oven – you are already too hot)

In a large bowl combine:

– 2 heaping tablespoons of friends and family

– One 2 pound bag of very thankful

– 1 cup of it’s ok to not be perfect

– 3 sticks of “Can you help me plan, cook, and clean up?”

– 4 large cups of peeled, cored, and chopped patience

– Sprinkle in a dusting of alcohol (trust me if you over do this, things can get out of hand)

– Do not make any sauce of any kind as you are saucy enough as it is

– Gently stir the above ingredients together.  Never beat anything – we beat ourselves up enough already

– Remember: Suffering in silence is OUT – Reaching out is IN!

– The final step is to fold in lots of love!

Now you have the recipe for THE BEST THANKSGIVING EVER!