Ever since I was young, I have loved fashion. At the end of every summer, when I receive the September fashion magazines, I get excited with anticipation of a quiet time when I can read them without interruption and fall into the fashion fantasies of the moment. A glass of wine in hand, I snuggle into my fav comfy chair, the magazines piled high around me (Yes, I still like to hold and touch them! I do not read them online). I can’t wait to dig in and see what’s new for fall. This is an early September happening and ritual for me.
I am ready!
I think of myself as pretty fashion “with it”…meaning I like to augment my current wardrobe with a thing or two that is “in style” for the season. Changing it up each season adds a spring to my step. Whether I am dressed casual, comfy, glitzy or sexy -…for me, clothes are another form of self-expression.
I quickly flip past all the ads and land on the first page of the new look! This year, excited and ready to nourish myself in fashion, I began reading the first fashion news for fall; “Slip a turtleneck under it”. Wear turtle neck with everything, including under a dress and then “toss on a statement coat for added warmth”. It is recommended that you must “flash” leg with this look. I am feeling a different kind of flash coming on! But, I read on…………..
“Tuck it all in” is the next look. Of course, that is what my Spanx are for, right? Wrong, this is not what they are referring to. “Tuck your chunky knit sweaters” into your skirts and pants for your new winter silhouette. The silhouette I am now envisioning is causing me to burst at the seams.
Next, I read that Zebra stripes with chunky white sneakers (!!!))are running wild on the runway.
To finish off the season’s hot look, the wool sweater dress is back! Preferably sweaters that have the bulky cable look. Now, I am itching all over.
Apparently it is time for full length full trousers – borrowing a look from men’s wear. Does your husband wear full trousers? Mine has been in jeans and a blazer for dress for the past hmmmmmmmmmmmm 10+ years. He doesn’t want to wear the “full” trouser either.
Pockets are the next in news for fall! Big huge- oversized pockets, placed front and center of your pants, skirts and dresses. I have spent a small fortune over the years, removing pockets from everything! I never needed that extra bulk. Now, they’re back…and in abundance. In addition, to the big pockets, the experts want us to compliment our winter coats with a belt. They further explain that belting your heavy winter jacket not only wards off the cool temps, but also highlights your waist. Really???????
Eyebrows – go bushy or go home. My post-menopausal eye brows and lashes went on vacation years ago and haven’t returned. Maybe they will return once they hear about the new fall look.
Hair, whether it is straight or a bit curly…needs a side part – slick it down with a little high shine pomade. As I read these words, my mind floats back to my 13 year old self. I had long curly hair which flowed well below my padded bra. My curly hair and I were not that friendly. I would smother my wet hair in Dippity Do using my head as a huge curler. Then I would sit under the dryer for a tortuous hour and a half (no blow dryers or flat irons in those days) and then proceed to try to unwrap my hardened dry hair. I wonder if I will need to resurrect that gooey Dippity Do for the proper fall “slick down” look.
Next, I read, that I need to invest in the perfect ‘tie neck’ blouse to exude feminine cool – preferably in white. Do I wear my turtleneck under this white blouse with the bow tied at the neck? I am feeling very frumpy and a bit queasy.
The crop top and slit skirt hit the runways. Thank goodness, as I have a whole closet full of crop tops…don’t you??? Not so much!
At this point, I am belly laughing so loud that my husband came running into the family room. I think he was concerned that I was gasping for air and has grabbed the at home defibulator machine. Doesn’t every boomer have one?
Don’t fear ladies….. Broaches and pins hit the runways. Dig into your jewelry box….I know you have some.
Putting your initials on your purses is new. As I look at the picture of the Louis Vuitton logo bag with a women’s blue initials on top of all the LV’s, I think I am seeing double and feeling a bit dizzy. Could it be the wine!!??
I was happy to get to the page for the new fall look for nails. Flat colors with stripes and designs are ‘IN”.
I grab another glass of wine and try to take in the must have’s for fall. I am not going to lie; it’s a lot to take in!
I am envisioning myself wearing a heavy turtleneck under my zebra print dress, and a heavy coat over that , OR perhaps a pair of heavy wool full pants with enormous oversized pockets with a bulky cable sweater tucked in and a belt tightly synched over a coat at my now indiscernible waist. Of course, I will need to add a glitzy broach dangling from the lapel of my coat and make sure that I have a side part in my hair which is slicked back with the still mega strong holding, Dipitty Do. It is very possible that burdened by all of these clothes, I may be bent over at the waist! I am hoping that the synched belt which is over my coat will keep me from bending so far forward that I collapse on the sidewalk.
Struggling to find my new look for fall, I jump in my car and head to the nail salon. My nails are runway ready! Next stop…the recycle bin for those fashion magazines!