I have never baked bread before, but apparently my shmirshky is full of yeast.
A few days ago, I woke up with a little itch – just a little one. I sloughed it off as just a random itch. The next day, I found myself walking with my large purse strategically plastered over my crotch, as I subtly tried to scratch my shmirshky. (This walk is slightly different from the “walk of shame,” but not that different from the erection hiding walk that young men often attempt with books instead of backpacks as camouflage.)
After the itch, other symptoms began popping out of the oven; like burning, soreness, and then came the deadly discharge. There was no denying it: I had a yeast infection. You cannot buy this yeast in the grocery store. You grow it yourself. This kind of yeast is a fungus scientifically referred to as Candida albicans which causes vaginitis. Lovely!
During PM&M (perimenopause and menopause) our hormones are fluctuating, and the shmirshky can become drier and the membranes thinner (this is the only thing that thins out during PM&M, just ask my seamstress), which can cause the bacteria in our shmirshkies to go a bit berserk. This fluctuation can result in a “welcome mat” for bad bacteria and fungi. This increases our chances for not only vaginitis but cystitis (urinary tract infections.)
I promised I would tell it to you straight – so don’t be shocked if you find this misery making you a total bitchface. No need to panic. If you find that you are cookin’ up something in your shmirshky, don’t ignore it. Call your gynecologist, as this misery is easily treated. If you find that you are getting these infections often, your gynecologists can prescribe you with various solutions for prevention.
UPDATE: I am now on day four of my medication. I have torn up the welcome bacteria mat and am soon going to be putting out my “Bakery Closed” sign.