Today was B Day….. Boob Day. All day I concentrated on my boobs. Apparently there is a task force who call themselves the USPSTF (U.S. Preventive Services Task Force which was founded by the US Public Health Service in 1984, then in 1988 it was sponsored by the Agency for Health-care Research and Quality, AHRQ.) These “experts” review the effectiveness and develop recommendations for clinical preventative services.

The USPSTF’s latest recommendation is that shmirshkies should begin getting mammograms at the age of 50 rather than 40 -unless there is a family history of breast cancer. They recommend these mammograms be repeated every two years rather than the current one year. They conclude that the current guidelines need changing as the benefits do not out way the positives….resulting in too many unnecessary mammograms resulting in too many biopsies with benign results. Why is this annoying?

Breast cancer is the number two killer of shmirshkies. Would you be upset if you found a lump in your breast that ended up needing a biopsy but wasn’t cancer?

I have Hashimotos Disease. During a routine “preventative” ultra sound of my thyroid gland a nodule was found in one of my lobes. We tried shrinking it with medicine, but it did not shrink. A biopsy was eventually needed. The biopsy was not definitive so I needed surgery. The nodule was benign. No one was upset. We were all thrilled.

I get a yearly “preventive” exam from a dermatologist to check for skin cancer. Sometimes the doctor finds something suspicious. Has to remove it and have it biopsied. So far, all of these have come back benign. No one was upset. We were all thrilled.

So this is why my boobs are angry. In fact, they are really confused. I have spent years taking them for their mammogram each year. I try to remember to do the self exam but I have not followed the recommended protocol on this one. I am a random self examiner. In a movie theatre, during TV shows or sometimes watching a TV commercial that pulls on my “preventative” medicine chord. Immediately, I find my hands worrying about my boobs and then strangely enough they feel compelled to do the exam right then and there. There is no talking them down.

My boobs don’t know what to do now. They are confused and annoyed. Sometimes when I am not sure….I just do both. You know what I am talking about. Do I buy the black dress or the red dress? Both. Do I want a cookie or ice cream? Both. Yes…both works.

So now, I might do both. My right boob is going to stick with the American Cancer Society Guidelines my left boob will now be on the USPTF program. The rest of me is having a martini!