Menopause Mondays: How to Care for Your Parents, Children, and Yourself

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Sometimes, menopause’s biggest challenges aren’t related to hormones at all. Sometimes, they have more to do with our roles in our lives and families.

Case in point: During menopause, more and more of us are gaining membership to the aptly named “Sandwich Generation,” a group marked by its responsibility to simultaneously care for both its children and parents. So if it seems like everybody wants (scratch that, needs) something from you these days, you’re not alone.

According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, the term “Sandwich Generation” has become more common in the last two decades. Currently, about one-in-seven middle-aged adults provides financial support to both an aging parent and a child, according to the Pew Research Center. It’s not difficult to see why: While young workers are buried with student loan debt and low wages, the elderly face dual challenges in record-high life expectancy rates and declining retirement savings. Often, we are the ones caught between the two generations.

Perhaps even more taxing than dishing out dough is the fact that nearly four-in-ten people in their 40s, 50s, and 60s say both their grown children and their parents rely on them for emotional support, according to the Pew Research Center. More often than not, women are providing this shoulder to lean on. After all we are frequently the emotional “rocks” of our families.

According to Jody Gastfriend, the senior care expert for Care.com, when it comes to making your life in the “Sandwich Generation” work for you and yours, the best offense is a good defense. Here are three ways to care for yourself when balancing the responsibilities of caring for both children and parents.

1. Have a Preemptive Talk
“Trying to make decisions in the midst of a crisis is far from optimal. The best time to discuss long term care needs is when things are calm, before your loved ones actually need help,” says Gastfriend. Discussing living arrangements, homecare, financial resources, fears, and concerns, can help ease everyone’s minds. For example, many caretakers unnecessarily worry about their parents moving in with them, when the fact of the matter is that their parents don’t want to live with them either! They might prefer to move to an assisted living facility with their friends when the time comes. You can’t know until you have an open conversation with them.

2. Don’t Try to Do It Alone
You are amazing, but you can’t try to be Superwoman. Think: Who in your life can support you and your responsibilities? Your husband, siblings, children, and even professional caregivers can help. “Hiring outside help just a few hours a week may be worth it,” Gastfriend says. It can give you a needed break for “me” time.If dollars and cents are your biggest stressor, consider speaking with a financial advisor (this can be someone you pay or someone you access thru a social service agency) who can help with realistic goal setting, continuous savings adjustments, and account rebalancing.

3. Determine Your Benefits
“If you are in the workplace, find out if your organization has benefits to support caregiving employees,” Gastfriend recommends. Many companies have eldercare programs that include referrals to caregiver resources in the community, on-site support groups for working caregivers, and discounted backup homecare for emergency needs, according to the AARP Public Policy Institute. What’s more, your boss may be open to arranging a more flexible work schedule for you that allows you to deliver on all fronts.

We want to be there for the people we love—but it can be draining. When we are left dry and exhausted (physically, emotionally or financially), what can we possibly give to others? No matter our caregiving responsibilities and roles, caring for ourselves—our financial, emotional, and hormonal health—has to come first. Put yourself on your own To Do list for a change! If you don’t take care of yourself, you can’t truly take care of anyone else. After all, you and your family deserve the happiest, healthiest you!

 

Remember: Reaching out is IN!  Suffering in silence in OUT!

Let’s hang out! Monday, August 12th at 5:30pm PST/8:30pm EST.  Ellen is hosting her Menopause Mondays Google Hangouts: Where the Sisterhood helps the Sisterhood. If you would like to get an invite to Ellen’s Menopause Mondays Google Hangouts, please email your request to menopausemondays@ellendolgen.com. You can RSVP here if you have a Google Plus account and have received an invite. Start sending your questions in here!  Get ready to talk menopause with Ellen at this free online event!

Is it hot in here or is it just you? Get discounts on great menopause and wellness products, courtesy of EllenDolgen.com. Available now: botanically based vegan & gluten-free beauty-health-wellness products, cooling clothes, a sleek and discrete chargeable fan, a “Hot Flash Havoc” documentary, and a natural menopause relief formula. Enter promo code ellend to save serious cash!

July’s Giveaway: Having trouble sleeping? Enter to win Estroven® Nighttime. Good luck, sisters

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After struggling with her own severe menopause symptoms and doing years of research, Ellen resolved to share what she learned from experts and her own trial and error. Her goal was to replace the confusion, embarrassment, and symptoms millions of women go through–before, during, and after menopause–with the medically sound solutions she discovered. Her passion to become a “sister” and confidant to all women fueled Ellen’s first book, Shmirshky: the pursuit of hormone happiness. As a result of the overwhelming response from her burgeoning audiences and followers’ requests for empowering information they could trust, Ellen’s weekly blog, Menopause MondaysTM, was born.

8 Comments

  1. David

    July 29, 2013 at 7:45 am

    I like to think of myself as your Mayonnaise.

  2. Carol Cassara

    July 29, 2013 at 8:07 am

    Great advice for any age–love it!

  3. sheryl

    July 29, 2013 at 12:15 pm

    Oh, yes, I’ve experienced this…and continue to, with my dad gone but my mother becoming older and more helpless. And then, my children, although on their own, still very much “need” me. It’s nice to be needed…but can sometimes be a bit overwhelming!

    • Ellen Dolgen

      July 29, 2013 at 3:38 pm

      Thanks for sharing, Sheryl. It helps to hear that one is not alone is this balancing act. Try to sneak in some time for you!

  4. Connie McLeod

    July 31, 2013 at 7:58 am

    Excellent advice. I’ve been there, it’s a very hard place to be.

    • Ellen Dolgen

      July 31, 2013 at 4:04 pm

      Thanks Connie…. it helps to know that others are going through the same thing!

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